Half My World
by Novela13
Summary: Oneshot, AU. Hah. I'm not gonna tell you that my heart stopped beating, my palms sweated, and that I wanted everything he could give me. That came later.


_**Hey guys. Sorry about my lack of updates for the past few months, I've been super busy and writers-blocked. This one-shot was made to help me get over my writers-block and so far it has, my other stories will be updated soon, I haven't given up, this story is in Kagome's POV. Enjoy. **_

_**Half My World**_

High School

From the first day, I knew he was never meant to be mine. Not entirely. I met him in chem class, second hour, Myoga. It had been another long morning, I hadn't eaten and I was so cranky.

So, when I got a new partner for a lab, mid-term, I wasn't too excited. Until I actually saw him.

Hah. I'm not gonna tell you that my heart stopped beating, my palms sweated and that I wanted everything he could give me. That came later. 

No, in that instant, the very first time I saw him, I hated him. I hated his long silver hair, the tight lipped smile he had on his face as he sat down next to me, and I really really hated his hands.

Clawed fingers, big hands. I never knew I'd become so familiar with those hands.

He always had this regal sounding voice. "Your name?"

I'm not gonna tell you I forgot my name either. I was just scared of what might happen if I tell him.

Like a fool, I did it anyway. "Kagome."

He nodded. He always did that, nodded a lot. He was never one for words in the beginning. Just actions.

"Lovely. I'm Sesshoumaru."

I nodded, tapping my pencil on the cold linoleum desk. "Related to Inuyasha?"

He just barely made eye contact with me. "Brother."

At that point, I didn't know Inuyasha had a brother. Inuyasha was just the angry thug everyone knew about at the time. Me and him had hung out a few times, I met him through Sango, the only female member in his gang.

That was my first mistake. You see, at some point due to all teenage cliches, I fell in love with Inuyasha. Maybe it was because he was the bad boy who always flashed a middle finger to the world, and I was the bored, good, smart girl who had no better way to spend time.

But, you see, at that point, mid-term, Sophomore year, I hadn't loved yet. I didn't begin to know what love might be. Or what you can get from it.

However, I had love's bitter cousin, teenage hormones.

Anyway, back to chem class that day. By halfway through the hour, even though I hated him on first sight, the curiosity was eating away at me.

When he was pouring some kind of kill-you-if-you-spill-it chemical into a beaker I blurted, "Where did you come from?"

He was calm, collected. Like he always would be. He carefully poured the rest. Set it down. He turned those amber eyes that eventually made me had the color amber and all other shades of yellow.

"Do you mean, why did I come here mid-term? Or just, why am I at this school?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. Both, I guess."

He took his time answering me. Maybe thinking of how to phrase it or why he should even tell me.

"I used to live with my mother. Now I live with my father."

I nodded. At the time, I thought okay, normal thoughts about Sesshoumaru. He was quiet and he looked too damn perfect, and it just irked me. Being demon and all, that's probably why he had that beyond human perfection.

So I left him alone. For about a month. Then there was that one afternoon, I had just started to warm up again. I was the hottest it had been in months. About 60 degrees, I think.

So anyway, I was at Inuyasha's house. We had the day off from school, and we decided to hang out in his room. Inuyasha had been in a fight earlier that week, and had gone to get a bag of ice.

So I waited in his room for him. I looked around the room covered with band posters and pictures of us and all our friends from school.

I didn't even hear him walk in.

"Hello."

I turned my head to see Sesshoumaru standing in the middle of the room. He seemed taller, more intimidating. He was holding a can of soda, and I could see those purple markings, twining up his arm because he was wearing a short sleeved shirt.

"Hey," I said, I remember looking at him as if waiting to be attacked, "nice pop."

He spared a glance at the pop in his hand. Then he nodded.

"Wheres the half-breed?"

I laughed and shrugged. "He's supposed to be getting ice."

Sesshoumaru sat down next to me. I still remember his scent so clearly. Even if I'm not around him, I always remember that indescribable scent.

This is where I should have gotten up. I should have left, made up some excuse about having to feed my car. Everyday I wish I could take back that moment.

I snatched his pop out of his hands and took a swig, he just stared. I smirked back, playful and confident.

Then those long clawed fingers were coming towards me. I didn't even flinch. I should ave, I should have flinched and pulled away.

He grabbed the pop but then then he had taken my hand in his with just the tips of his fingers. I stood still, waiting to see what this mysterious, long-haired pretty boy planned to do.

The pop slid out of his hands and he took my entire hand in his. And, maybe it really was just on impulse, like he ended up telling me, or maybe it was just to see what I would do, or to pretty much let me know that all events concerning the future, I was screwed for.

As you can imagine, he kissed me. Kind of like a sucker punch, but a kiss instead. It was short in reality, but it felt like a freaking eternity of wondering, what the hell? Why was he doing this?

For most of the year in school, he played the role of the silent kid that occasionally had a smart answer to offer in chem.

Honestly, I think the kiss struck me stupid. For at least a solid five seconds, I lose the ability to breathe.

He pulled back, barely phased by what he had done. Those stupid yellow gold eyes had just stared at me, waiting for my reaction, wanting me to freak out, I guess. He was always waiting on someone's reaction while never reacting himself. Emotionless bastard.

"Why? What the hell?" I managed to say.

His expression never even changed. Just a straight face. "That was something I wanted to try."

"Why?"

"Get out of my room, Sissy Sesshy."

We both turned to see Inuyasha in the doorway, holding a bag of ice to his face.

Sesshoumaru actually managed to display an emotion, being mildly pissed off. He stood up, and I noticed just how different the brothers were.

Inuyasha never stood up straight. He always mildly slouched or had his shoulders slumped. Whenever he walked, he walked like he had all the time in the world and if anybody didn't want to die, they'd wait for him.

Sesshoumaru almost always stood up straight, like someone had trained him to never have bad posture or something. Whenever he moved, it was always quick and swift, but still oddly graceful for a guy.

"I was keeping your guest company, half-breed."

"No need, now get out."

They stared each other down with the same golden yellow eyes, one that couldn't help have some fire in them, and the other, was cool, calm as always.

Sesshoumaru stood up and had a hint of a smile on his face as he patted Inuyasha on the shoulder, and told him, "Share your toys, little brother. Don't you remember learning that?"

Inuyasha growled as Sesshoumaru made his way out of the room.

He sat down next to me and finally relaxed. "Did he say anything stupid to you?"

God, I wish I had told you then. Instead, I brushed it off. At the time, I thought, hey, maybe it had been just to see what it was like.

I shook my head and held the ice over his eye for him. "No, nothing. He just wanted to chill,"

Inuyasha grunted and rearranged himself to lay his head on my lap. "Thought he was trying to steal you away," he joked. I sighed.

Senior Year

I got through the rest of sophomore year, making small talk with him in chem. We talked about our hobbies, what we wanted to do in a few years. I remember him telling me he wanted to work in a college, maybe a professor. I remember saying I could do that too.

We never brought up the kiss. It was the big elephant in the room with us, and we did a ridiculously good job of ignoring it.

So, then sophomore year was over. Then, I kept dating Inuyasha. That summer, it happened again, and again. I lost count. At some point, I should have felt guiltier, but his excuse every time, had been that he wanted to see what it would be like.

And I'm terrible for this, but I never once questioned it. I knew after the second time, that it stopped being experimental. He did too.

Then there was junior year, when I made the mistake of visiting while their parents weren't home and Inuyasha was no where to be found. We were talking at first, it was almost winter and I was hanging out underneath a blanket he had given me because I had practically frozen on my way there.

I remember he kept moving closer. Eventually his skin was practically on mine.

I never once complained. At the time, I adored the closeness. Maybe I felt bad or something but bad meaning good, obviously, I felt bad that every few months or so I would cheat on my boyfriend.

But, it was worse that I had yet to feel guilty.

I felt the sharp points of his claws on the tip of my chin. I wasn't scared. I was anxious, almost excited.

It was here we go again, this thing we do.

I didn't flinch when this huge dog demon had his claws so close to my throat. I remember trusting him.

I turned to face him, and I told him, "Just to see what would happen?"

"Yeah."

And then there was senior year. By then, I had been with Inuyasha for pretty much three years. For the most part, everything had been going okay. Until the spring, a month before graduation.

Inuyasha and I had been waiting for Sesshoumaru in their backyard. We decided to have a bonfire. Inuyasha had finally quit his gang and it was a reason to celebrate.

It was hot, and I remember wearing shorts, to look hot, for who, I'm not sure, but we were sitting on the deck and then he came outside. With her.

It hit me like a punch in the face. Or maybe worse. Maybe like a slap in the face with a bag of oranges.

At the time, I barely understood why it hurt me so much. I mean, Sesshoumaru had a right to have someone. After years of secretly having half of me, it was only fair.

But it didn't make me any less pissed off. In he walks, with is miniature, bubbly version of me. Her eyes were hue and she was beaming. "I'm Rin!"

I hate you, Rin.

After that bonfire, I spent days, weeks, trying to figure out when my little just-to-see-what-would-happen actions started to have feelings attached to them. When did I start caring for Sesshoumaru? When did I stop caring for Inuyasha?

Hah. First steps to becoming the bitter woman I am today.

After that, we hung out with Rin a lot. Every time I saw her cute little face I wanted to smack her in the face with a happy face sticker. I don't think Sesshoumaru ever even noticed how I felt until one afternoon at the park. It was one of those huge family size parks, went on for miles.

Inuyasha went to go buy food fro ma hot dog vendor. Typical, I know. Rin went to find a restroom.

For the first time in months, it was just me and him.

"It won't be long before you and Inuyasha marry, right? Graduation is in two weeks."

Something about that really got me. "What about you and Rin? Gonna run off with her?" I snapped.

He raised one elegant eyebrow. Ugh. "Probably not. If she lasts until after college..."

_If she lasts..._ I didn't want her to last that long. Hell, I didn't want her to last as long as she had.

"Why did you need a girlfriend anyway?"

He looked at me as if I had asked him why he exists.

"Everyone needs someone, believe it or not, Kagome."

"I thought you-"

"You didn't think about anything. Neither of us did."

I laughed. "So, this is my fault now? That you couldn't play with your own toys, Sesshoumaru?"

"Shut up. We're over that now. It's nothing."

"No, you're over it, you steel-made bastard!" I stood up, and brushed past Inuyasha and Rin, making sure to knock over Rin's ice cream.

That was one victory.

College

I remember we were about to graduate from college. It was only a month away. At the time, Inuyasha had already proposed to me. Of course I said yes. Looking back, I should have hesitated. I should have said no.

It was really late, and I was in my dorm. You see, Inuyasha, Sesshoumaru, and Rin and I all decided to go to the same university.

I was cramming for an exam, and I left my door halfway open. Mistake.

Before I knew it, Sesshoumaru was in my room. I didn't know how to speak to him, I hadn't had a solid conversation with him in so long. In most cases, I avoided talking to him besides civil conversation like, "Could you hand me a napkin?"

I moved, the light from the lamp reflecting off my ring.

"Whats up?"

He shrugged, leaning against the wall. I felt small. I was only five foot four and this huge scary demon was standing in my dorm room.

"Nothing, just trying to escape studying for a little while."

I laughed. There was no sugar-coating it. This was awkward. We had this hidden thing for a long time and now we could hardly talk to each other.

"Where is the half-breed?"

Inuyasha's lovely nickname. I should have known that that was history repeating itself.

He came close, sat on my bed. I shook my head. "I don't know. Studying?"

I was scared. Terrified. I kept wondering what Sesshoumaru was going to do. I couldn't breathe when his pale, clawed hands grabbed one of mine.

Everything in me wanted to yell at him this time. To let him know, I wasn't up for sharing.

His hand ran over the ring Inuyasha gave me. His claw taped the diamond.

"Sesshoumaru-"

And then there was that kiss again, that soft press of skin that made me do something so awful.

I shouldn't have been doing that. I was engaged, I was going to be married in a month. How was I supposed to get married if I couldn't let go of what happened between me and Sesshoumaru in high school?

Even wen it was unspoken that we'd do this, there was never supposed to be feelings attached. Never.

But then he got up and closed the door, and I couldn't help it. Then, I love him. More than I loved Inuyasha, more than I loved anything.

So, I don't understand why I acted how I did on my wedding day a month later.

I had been putting on my dress, Sango had just left and we were only a few minutes away from the minute I'd walk down the aisle.

Sesshoumaru came in, dressed to be one of Inuyasha's groomsmen.

I turned around in my long dress. I stared. He stared.

Then he said, "This is stupid."

"What the- why? How?"

"Whats been going on for the past few years-"

"We're both done with it. We're adults now, Sesshoumaru!"

"That wasn't just childish impulses."

He nodded, his eyes had such a cold angry look. "Hm. Impulse."

I swallowed, looked at him head on, defiant. "Completely."

Before I knew it, he had grasped my head in both his hands. One of his claws graze my lips and then his fangs. Then he was kissing me.

He hastily let go, then didn't do anything.

I don't know how I felt then. But eventually Sesshoumaru left and later that day I became Mrs. Taisho.

Which brings me to the present,

You see, currently I'm qualified to become a college professor, I'm waiting for my interview at Tokyo University.

The thing is, I go in for the interview in ten minutes. I just found out that Sesshoumaru is the dean. Lovely. Obviously, being married to his brother and all, I've seen him over the years, at family events and occasionally in my house.

But, at twenty-seven, after years since I've touched Sesshoumaru I would hope that the Gods would leave me with any dean but him.

I mean, I knew Sesshoumaru was a dean but not at _this _college!

I should have nothing to worry about considering Sesshoumaru married Rin and all, but still.

The door opens and Sesshoumaru pokes his head out. "Come in, Kagome."

I walk in, and it's casual in his office. There are pictures of him and Rin all over the room. Probably insisted upon by her.

I sit down across from him. For a long time, he doesn't say anything. He just flips through papers on his desk.

Finally, his cold golden eyes are on me. "Well, your resume is impressive."

"Good to know."

He makes a hmm noise. "Why shouldn't I hire you?"

I cheated on my then boyfriend turned husband with you. However, you know, that's just a minor detail.

"I could take your job."

There was just barely a hint of a smile on his face. He leans back in his totally mob boss looking chair.

"The events of the past don't count for this?"

There it goes. "No, Sesshoumaru, because I'm your sister-in-law now."

He nods. "Fair enough."

He scoots forwards and one of his hands darts out to mine.

I don't need this job that bad. I don't need it at all, really. I can just get up and leave.

"You have a wife."

He doesn't say anything. I hate him.

"I don't need this job," I say, standing up. He doesn't let go of my hand. I try to yank it away.

This again. He stands up, and slowly moves around the desk so that we're barely apart.

I swallow a lump of spit. "Think about it," I say, "I'm your brother's wife."

My hand is squeezed. "Sesshoumaru, stop being stupid."

He chuckles. "I'm not being stupid."

"You are."

His face is only an inch away from mine. I don't think I ever though what happened in high school was just for the hell of it. It couldn't have been.

I tilt my head and my lips brush across his. I'm done making mistakes and excuses. I'm done with just going with everything.

I leave after an hour, my mind is a total state of mind fuck. Do I get what I did? Not really. Do I feel bad that I'm hurting more than just myself, of course.

The ride home is hell. I stopped thinking of how Inuyasha's touch felt and how more of Sesshoumaru's might feel. I keep wondering why I stopped caring about Inuyasha.

I know that on some level, yes, I am in love with Inuyasha. But at the same time, I might love Sesshoumaru more. How did that happen? You can't fall in love with someone based purely off touch. You just don't.

I pull into my driveway and sigh as I rest my head on the steering wheel. Something like this would happen to me. I mean, it's obvious I don't have a bit of good luck or smarts. If I were smart I would have married a guy that was completely un-Taisho related. Maybe a nice pharmacist. I could have had nice little asthmatic pharmacist babies.

He's here. He's parked in front of the house. Shit. Its go big or go home. I can't keep doing this. I have to say something.

I've kept this secret for years. My palms are sweating. Everything is sweating.

Inuyasha comes up to my car, I roll down the window.

He blinks, "How did it go?"

I had an intense makeout with um, you'll never guess, your own flesh and blood!

I cough. "Fine." The sun setting behind creates a pretty picture, especially with his eyes. Oh God, I can't do this. I love him. I have to make sure that doesn't happen again- I can't keep doing this. Every time, it was never supposed to happen again.

"Aren't you gonna get out of the car?"

I make eye contact with him again and nod. As we walk into the house, he slips an arm around my shoulders. When's the last time I was happy that Inuyasha was touching me? I can't say that I ever really appreciated it until now. When I'm seconds away from loosing him.

When we're inside, Inuyasha starts talking about what happened at work. I go through all of my normal stuff. I start to cook. I smile and nod. The kid issue comes up again, why I can't seem to have any.

Then there's the interview.

"When do you think they'll call you?"

I'm in the middle of chopping a carrot. I stop, and make eye contact with him. My hands are shaking. Put down the knife. My fingers loosen and the knife falls on the counter.

"I cheated on you."

There's silence. I mean, what can you say, when someone you've loved for years just told you the worst possible thing? When you have committed the ultimate betrayal, there can't be too much to say. Sure, there's the obvious stuff like I'm leaving you, I hate you, I trusted you. But after that, whats left? I forgive you, I still love you?

"What?"

"I cheated on you."

He doesn't skip a beat. His face contorts into this angry shape. "What the hell, Kagome? With who?"

I move from behind the counter and move towards him. His hands are balled up into fists, but I know he'd never hit me. That's how good he is.

I can feel the tears coming. My throat hurts already. I'm shaking. I hate this.

"I'm so sorry."

"Who?"

The first sob comes out as I say, "Sesshoumaru."

"Sess- my brother? My own brother?"

"I'm sorry, I love you."

"My family. Kagome, why? I thought you were better than this-"

"I can be! Please, I can be, I just got so caught up, it was so long ago, I didn't think it would happen again-"

"Again? What the fuck- you did it more than once?"

"I'm sorry!"

"When?"

I don't want to tell him any more. This is killing me. I find myself kneeling, almost in a fetal position. In high school, a lot, and then once in college, and then just now, at my job interview."

"Your job interview, high school? You've been lying to me for years, you kept saying you loved me and you cheated on me. With. My. Fucking. Brother."

"I meant every word, every time, it just happened-"

"Nothing 'just happens' more than once."

"For me, it did, and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry-"

He's silent. The only sound is my sobs. It feels like forever since he's said anything to me.

After a while, I hear footsteps. Then a door slam. I've lost him.

After another set of forever, I get up and shuffle to my bedroom. I change into pajamas and a robe, throw my hair into a mess on top of my head, and crawl on my bed and lie in the center of it. The sheets smell like him. The whole bed smells like him.

I'm woken up the next day by the feel of him sitting on the bed. I reach for him, he pulls away. My touch is like poison now.

"I don't know if I can keep doing this-"

"Please,"

"Kagome, you cheated on me, with my brother. More than once."

His eyes are so full of pain, it hurts to look at him. To see that disappointed face, full of hurt.

One of his clawed hands, so much like his brother's but so different, pats me on the leg.

"I'll be at Miroku and Sango's for a little while. I don't know when I'm coming back."

"Inuyasha-"

"I need to go."

I watch, dumbfounded, as he walks out of the room. Soon, I hear the sound of the front door slamming.

I don't leave the bed for hours. I lay there, suffering. I want him to come back, to love me again. I don't want to hurt him.

"Are you done?"

I don't move. My eyes dart to the tall figure in the doorway. Sesshoumaru. Almost immediately, there's a flash of red, and I'm in a rage. I practically leap out of bed and start to claw at him.

"You! You, you cold bastard! You're the reason why! Why did you do that? I was happy!"

After I land a scratch on his face from his to his chin, he shows me, I fall down. Why bother to get back up? I've been knocked down in more ways than one lately. The only guy I've ever bothered to really really love is leaving me.

"I didn't do anything. It takes two to do what we did."

"Fuck you, Sesshoumaru. I'm tired..."

He grabs me by both my wrists, pulls me up. I manage to have good footing, and I stand up. I want to hurt him. Everything he's done has hurt me. I throw my hands a his face again. I call him everything under the sun. I hate hi,, and I wanna kiss him, I want to kill him. I don't know what I want!

Then I'm crying again. "I hate you, I hate you."

Then there's soft impact of skin that damned me from the start.

Between each one, "I hate you, I hate you."

Finally, he stops. He's silent. I sobbing,

"I love you,"

_**Wow, it took a while to finish this. So there's likely to be a sequel to this, when, I have no idea, I need to work on my other stories when I get the energy. Please review, I hope you like it and when they get updated, please read my other stories, Keep It a Secret, and I Don't Do Love Songs. **_

_**With that said, Sayonara!**_


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